A slightly drunk man buys a quarter bottle of vodka and says with a sorrow: "You're not on a very good spree, having a teacher's salary".
"Oh, are you really a teacher?"
"No. My wife is."
понедельник, 18 января 2010 г.
воскресенье, 1 ноября 2009 г.
Uncle Volf
It’s evening. A Jewish family waits for uncle Volf to be on a visit. At least there is a door ring. Little Levy runs to the door crowing:
“Wow! Dear uncle Volf! You’ve brought me a bar of chocolate, haven’t you?”
“Believe it or not, I got up to your house, came to your next-door shop and what I saw! There was a notice STOCK-TAKING. The shop was closed. You know how I love you. Wait next week please.”
In the week at the same time the door opens and uncle Volf comes into the house.
“Uncle! Uncle! Have you brought me a chocolate now?”
“Dear Levy, you can’t believe how I love you! Today I came to your house, stepped into the shop, it was opened, followed to the confectioner’s department and saw the notice INVENTORY. Next week. Next week, I promise, my dear.”
Another week later little Levy is staying here when uncle Volf comes.
“Dear uncle, what’s now? Have you-“
“Oh, my little boy. Today I came to the shop, fortunately confectioner’s was open. I asked the salesman if he has any chocolate bars for my dear Levy. He answered they’ve run out. We’ve got lollipops.-“
“That’s great! You’ve bought me lollipops!” Levy claps his hands.
“Remember, Levy, while your uncle Volf is alive you’ll be eating only chocolate.”
“Wow! Dear uncle Volf! You’ve brought me a bar of chocolate, haven’t you?”
“Believe it or not, I got up to your house, came to your next-door shop and what I saw! There was a notice STOCK-TAKING. The shop was closed. You know how I love you. Wait next week please.”
In the week at the same time the door opens and uncle Volf comes into the house.
“Uncle! Uncle! Have you brought me a chocolate now?”
“Dear Levy, you can’t believe how I love you! Today I came to your house, stepped into the shop, it was opened, followed to the confectioner’s department and saw the notice INVENTORY. Next week. Next week, I promise, my dear.”
Another week later little Levy is staying here when uncle Volf comes.
“Dear uncle, what’s now? Have you-“
“Oh, my little boy. Today I came to the shop, fortunately confectioner’s was open. I asked the salesman if he has any chocolate bars for my dear Levy. He answered they’ve run out. We’ve got lollipops.-“
“That’s great! You’ve bought me lollipops!” Levy claps his hands.
“Remember, Levy, while your uncle Volf is alive you’ll be eating only chocolate.”
воскресенье, 23 августа 2009 г.
How Not To Do Your Business
The question sometimes comes to my mind why people in Russia live so unhappy. Is there any enemy above us who makes all our plans ruined?
I don’t want to be unpatriotic but I have to admit our national peculiarity is guilty of luck of democracy, low level of industry growth and so on.
It may take decades to put everything in order in Russia. East European businessman doesn’t think about the future, he tries to get money right now while he has his own business.
Let’s look on typical Russian man’s behavior when he’s a small seller in UK.
Recently listing Ebay items my daughter, 17, came upon a lycra gymnastic catsuit which would be very useful for her shaping. She doesn’t have an account thus she asked me to make a bid.
I bought the catsuit and got a message from the Ebay seller that he always does his best for customers and he need about 28 days to make wear really perfect according personal measures and dispatch the item to Moscow. The seller was located in London, by the way. At that time
I thought his nickname sounded like to something from Russian, but I didn’t attach great importance to that.
More than 35 days passed. I received the email from London with apologies and explaining about collapse in computer that was the cause of their problems.
“We are so sorry but we lost your measuring table. Could you send your data again? We’ll carry out your order within a week.”-said the seller.
“That’s OK. It sometimes happens. Please don’t worry. Here’re our measures again. But please note that I can’t leave a nice feedback for you after 60 days after auction ended. Good luck!”- I answered to UK seller.
“Oh, thank your! Your catsuit will be done within 10-12 days. By the way, we’re actually Russians, from Moscow”
Oh, my God! I suspected that. I was nearly sure I would get my item at all.
One month later, I sent an e-mail politely asking about the catsuit and feedbacks to each other. I wanted to change positive ones despite all of delays. Casually I said them I’m on business trip here; I’m from EU and soon have to be back.
It's interesting but we used only English in our conversations.
“OK, OK, I’ll dispatch your pack right now I hope you’ll like it”-wrote the apology for a seller.
Only three months later I received the pack from London. The catsuit quality was good enough, but it was too for our feedbacks on Ebay. As for my daughter, her interest in shaping has cooled down. Moreover, I can’t understand why they asked the measures. The wear was a bit
bigger than it has been ordered.
I don’t want to name the English seller, but I hope no one will suffer from his thoroughly poor trading.
It happens that I am really ashamed for some of my compatriots.
I don’t want to be unpatriotic but I have to admit our national peculiarity is guilty of luck of democracy, low level of industry growth and so on.
It may take decades to put everything in order in Russia. East European businessman doesn’t think about the future, he tries to get money right now while he has his own business.
Let’s look on typical Russian man’s behavior when he’s a small seller in UK.
Recently listing Ebay items my daughter, 17, came upon a lycra gymnastic catsuit which would be very useful for her shaping. She doesn’t have an account thus she asked me to make a bid.
I bought the catsuit and got a message from the Ebay seller that he always does his best for customers and he need about 28 days to make wear really perfect according personal measures and dispatch the item to Moscow. The seller was located in London, by the way. At that time
I thought his nickname sounded like to something from Russian, but I didn’t attach great importance to that.
More than 35 days passed. I received the email from London with apologies and explaining about collapse in computer that was the cause of their problems.
“We are so sorry but we lost your measuring table. Could you send your data again? We’ll carry out your order within a week.”-said the seller.
“That’s OK. It sometimes happens. Please don’t worry. Here’re our measures again. But please note that I can’t leave a nice feedback for you after 60 days after auction ended. Good luck!”- I answered to UK seller.
“Oh, thank your! Your catsuit will be done within 10-12 days. By the way, we’re actually Russians, from Moscow”
Oh, my God! I suspected that. I was nearly sure I would get my item at all.
One month later, I sent an e-mail politely asking about the catsuit and feedbacks to each other. I wanted to change positive ones despite all of delays. Casually I said them I’m on business trip here; I’m from EU and soon have to be back.
It's interesting but we used only English in our conversations.
“OK, OK, I’ll dispatch your pack right now I hope you’ll like it”-wrote the apology for a seller.
Only three months later I received the pack from London. The catsuit quality was good enough, but it was too for our feedbacks on Ebay. As for my daughter, her interest in shaping has cooled down. Moreover, I can’t understand why they asked the measures. The wear was a bit
bigger than it has been ordered.
I don’t want to name the English seller, but I hope no one will suffer from his thoroughly poor trading.
It happens that I am really ashamed for some of my compatriots.
суббота, 15 августа 2009 г.
The Gift From The Sky
Was there anything in your life that really surprised you and raised your spirit? Have you ever been gifted unexpectedly? I’m sure, you have.
I’ll tell you my story of heaven’s present.
It happened when I was tightened with money. Maybe it was because I was falling in love with someone that time, or I had been got into debts. So, we are not talking about that.
One morning I was going shopping at our neighbor supermarket. I had already paid off and was staying and packing my purchases into a plastic bag. Suddenly something started to buzz inside a cash dispenser placed near the wall. I glanced to the display. “PLEASE TAKE YOUR MONEY”, was written on it.
I was a bit shocked. There were only few people at the shop and no one was close to me. It was an early hour. A pack of banknotes appeared from a note presenter. Imperceptibly for others and giving nosign I packed up the money into my bag.
“DON’T FORGET YOUR RECEIPT”, once again the display said. I took a small list and went out from the supermarket giving no sign. And finally, "THANK YOU".
I thought to myself: "Thank me? Thank YOU!". And no turning my head went out the shop.
Walking to my doorway I carefully cast my eyes at the receipt. “30 000 R”-was roughly written on the peace of paper. (it's more than 1000 US dollars) This sum was in my bag!
I was really in the right place at the right time! So many times there were quite contrary in my life!
Anyway, the money helped me to solve some problems without closing my bank deposits.
Of course I admit I was dishonest. The bank, the owner of the cash dispenser machine, was not a victim in this case. A real loser was a card holder committed an annoying mistake.
I’m sure no one would return money if he had noticed that. He wouldn’t even try to find man who took his card without waiting a giving out a sum.
The serious problem of our country is that Russian people were brought up to be sly and, so called, light-fingered. They are always deceived by their government at all the times. For example, during the Soviet Union there were a lot of currency reforms with the purpose purely to rob the citizens. The Communist Party was always a liar. Thus, today if there is even a tiny chance not to pay taxes, every Russian considers it an honour to not give his 13 per cent of taxes at all. People often try to go stowaway, to trick their officials as well as each other. Unfortunately, it is the fact.
A lot of water will have flowed under the bridge until people become low-abiding.
Returning to the subject, I can tell that I had been frightened to go shopping to this supermarket for about two months. It seemed someone was waiting me near the cash dispenser. It seemed bank managers were hoping to capture me.
A bit later things got into a groove but I had been hopefully looking to the ATM for a long time.
Dear friends, please be careful using your credit cards.
Never lose your money.
I’ll tell you my story of heaven’s present.
It happened when I was tightened with money. Maybe it was because I was falling in love with someone that time, or I had been got into debts. So, we are not talking about that.
One morning I was going shopping at our neighbor supermarket. I had already paid off and was staying and packing my purchases into a plastic bag. Suddenly something started to buzz inside a cash dispenser placed near the wall. I glanced to the display. “PLEASE TAKE YOUR MONEY”, was written on it.
I was a bit shocked. There were only few people at the shop and no one was close to me. It was an early hour. A pack of banknotes appeared from a note presenter. Imperceptibly for others and giving nosign I packed up the money into my bag.
“DON’T FORGET YOUR RECEIPT”, once again the display said. I took a small list and went out from the supermarket giving no sign. And finally, "THANK YOU".
I thought to myself: "Thank me? Thank YOU!". And no turning my head went out the shop.
Walking to my doorway I carefully cast my eyes at the receipt. “30 000 R”-was roughly written on the peace of paper. (it's more than 1000 US dollars) This sum was in my bag!
I was really in the right place at the right time! So many times there were quite contrary in my life!
Anyway, the money helped me to solve some problems without closing my bank deposits.
Of course I admit I was dishonest. The bank, the owner of the cash dispenser machine, was not a victim in this case. A real loser was a card holder committed an annoying mistake.
I’m sure no one would return money if he had noticed that. He wouldn’t even try to find man who took his card without waiting a giving out a sum.
The serious problem of our country is that Russian people were brought up to be sly and, so called, light-fingered. They are always deceived by their government at all the times. For example, during the Soviet Union there were a lot of currency reforms with the purpose purely to rob the citizens. The Communist Party was always a liar. Thus, today if there is even a tiny chance not to pay taxes, every Russian considers it an honour to not give his 13 per cent of taxes at all. People often try to go stowaway, to trick their officials as well as each other. Unfortunately, it is the fact.
A lot of water will have flowed under the bridge until people become low-abiding.
Returning to the subject, I can tell that I had been frightened to go shopping to this supermarket for about two months. It seemed someone was waiting me near the cash dispenser. It seemed bank managers were hoping to capture me.
A bit later things got into a groove but I had been hopefully looking to the ATM for a long time.
Dear friends, please be careful using your credit cards.
Never lose your money.
среда, 22 июля 2009 г.
The first step here
Actually I don't like to keep a diary. And what is more I hate diaries at all.
You should forget about your privacy when you write your own thoughts and expose them to people.
What a huge number of individuals already had a lot of problem when it given their writtings public utterance. Watching movies describing something like that I thought to myself: "What an idiot! To create an unanswerable, incontrovertible evidence by his own!".
Just imagine, a man had planned something bad, moreover, he had done smth. illegal then he sat down and wrote his deeds on paper how clever and smart he is.
Maybe he accidentally forget to lock out his safe or a table box and someone found and read the secrets. A human curiosity always prevails. Thus his secrets is open for others and sometimes not for the better.
I also strongly believe that people shouldn't reveal all their thoughts to others. Only fool wears his heart on his steeve. (As the Russians say, the same things on the mind and the tongue)
Now you could ask me why do I begin to keep a blog.
Well, I am not criminal and I have nothing to fear. I'm not affraid that someone from my friend, relatives or neightbours can read this blog. There are no people in my surroundings who knows English really well and no one would spend time to look over here.
So, as for my privacy, there is really insignificant probability to be revealed.
You should forget about your privacy when you write your own thoughts and expose them to people.
What a huge number of individuals already had a lot of problem when it given their writtings public utterance. Watching movies describing something like that I thought to myself: "What an idiot! To create an unanswerable, incontrovertible evidence by his own!".
Just imagine, a man had planned something bad, moreover, he had done smth. illegal then he sat down and wrote his deeds on paper how clever and smart he is.
Maybe he accidentally forget to lock out his safe or a table box and someone found and read the secrets. A human curiosity always prevails. Thus his secrets is open for others and sometimes not for the better.
I also strongly believe that people shouldn't reveal all their thoughts to others. Only fool wears his heart on his steeve. (As the Russians say, the same things on the mind and the tongue)
Now you could ask me why do I begin to keep a blog.
Well, I am not criminal and I have nothing to fear. I'm not affraid that someone from my friend, relatives or neightbours can read this blog. There are no people in my surroundings who knows English really well and no one would spend time to look over here.
So, as for my privacy, there is really insignificant probability to be revealed.
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